Days Of The Pheonix

(Source: sandandglass, via story-dj)



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(via lookinallqute)

February 16

I always knew my parents were having problems, but it didnt truely hit me until today when I was looking for the nail clipper. I thought it might have been in my mom’s night stand and I began to open the drawers. As I digged through the drawer, my hand grapped a soft fabric. I looked at it and noticed it was a red, transparent lingerie. I remember this…

My mom had bought it maybe 5 years back for my dad and I was happy because I thought everything was going great between them. I walked into the kitchen and noticed it by the counter. I picked up the bag. “Hey dad, did you see what mom bought for you?”

I noticed their faces fall, and mom started to tear and dad turned away. I thought she was going to surprise him and I ruined it.

"Mom, I’m sorry."

"Its ok."

I realized as I held this nighty, that mom had worn it for him, to try and “rekindle” their love but it didn’t work out. My heart fell and I couldn’t breathe. I knew the whole time they weren’t getting along but I never saw them fight. They never argued. They still hugged and sometimes kissed. And of course, I was fourteen and rebellious, which put even more strain on their marriage.

How could I be so blind to not see? If I had known sooner, would things be different now?

I can’t even begin to explain how I feel right now. Crushed? Devastated? I’ve known for a year, but I had no idea how far back it went. I thought it was only for a couple years, not 5+ years back. I wish I had known.